LOVE IS A VERB
As I walked down the street I kept thinking to myself, “Why can’t he just let me love him? I just want to love this guy and he is being so distant and disconnected from me right now.” My boyfriend and I had been apart for weeks at a time for the past few months. I was on a trip in NYC and even though things felt better before I left, I just hadn’t been feeling the love while I was away. And it was pissing me off because I was having a great time in NYC, I was flashing cheesy smiles left and right, but I just wasn’t feeling the love with my guy. Talk about killing the good vibes! I felt blocked and a little rejected by his short and blunt text responses even though I know better than to use texting patterns as an indication of anything. I was trying to grasp onto anything that made me feel loved by him and it just wasn’t working.
“Why do you want to love this guy so badly anyway?” Without a second thought, I started creating a list of the person my boyfriend has been for me, how he often believes in my power and potential more than I do, what an ambitious, determined and yet super silly person he is, and his desire to include me in everything he does. Coming to a state of gratitude took the edge off (I no longer wanted to give him the evilest ‘evil eye’ there is), but I still felt so far from him. In that moment, I remembered something I read in Stephen Covey’s book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”.
Here is the excerpt:
“My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?"
"The feeling isn't there anymore?" I asked.
"That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"
“Love her," I replied.
"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."
"Love her."
"You don't understand the feeling of love just isn't there."
"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
"My friend, love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”
Love is a verb! It is something we have the power to choose —always! It is not a feeling that is dependent on the actions of someone else. I am not saying that one should endlessly stand beside someone who mistreats and disrespects them; sometimes it is better to love someone from afar. But why should I ever waste my energy on holding bitter and hateful feelings towards anyone, when I can choose to love and appreciate the light and beauty of others instead? Suddenly I felt so much power. Take that, you crappy 5-word text! I’m gonna love my guy anyway! I’m gonna send so much loving thoughts and energy his way, he won’t even know what hit him. He’s about to be knocked out by my love right now!
The real game changer was once I chose to love, I started feeling loved back. My boyfriend didn’t miraculously send me a love letter or a bouquet of flowers, but I felt more connected and loved by everyone around me once I allowed my love to flow freely. I changed my attitude and found that our texts and short bedtime chats filled my cup enough. I was loving him in all the ways I could and I was receiving it back, or maybe I was just in a better place to recognize what had already been there. Whatever the case, I am convinced that when I choose love, love also chooses me.
Choose to love and keep the love stream flowing.
<3 G