FIRST, WE ARE HUMAN
A few years ago, I attended a weekend course called the Spirit Junkie Masterclass, led by author Gabrielle Bernstein (if you haven’t read any of her books and you like memoir style inspiration, Spirit Junkie is a great place to start). I fully enjoyed the entire weekend and was impressed with how connected I felt to all 100+ ladies in the room without needing to speak to each of them.
On the first night, a young woman shared something with the group that has stayed with me since. She explained how she had been struggling with her relationship with her mother. I no longer remember what the specific issues were, but it was what she had learned in working through the struggle that touched me.
She realized that her mother was also just a human being. Someone with her own struggles, insecurities, fears, and desires. Such a simple realization allowed her to uncover a new level of compassion towards her mother. Upon hearing this, my heart softened and I felt a sinking in my chest. It was as if I was finally able to exhale a long-held breath.
I realized I had been holding my mom to an impossibly high standard and while unable to understand some of her choices, I not only judged her, but I was taking it all very personally. As if everything my mom had done was done directly to me. I expected her to always have the right answer and make the right move according to my very limited daughter’s eye view.
Yes, the moment my mother gave birth to me, she took on quite a large responsibility, raising another human being. And, yes, I do believe my mom possesses some pretty special powers with all that she has done for others and for myself. She is a superwoman, no doubt! But as much as it may seem, mothers are not made of titanium and steel. They are flesh, bones, sweat, and tears, just like the rest of us. Most importantly, they should be allowed to be just that--100% human.
As her only child, I have taken quite a bit of space and time (and not to mention financial resources) in the course of my mom’s life. Never once have I heard her complain and to this day she remains my most loyal fan and cheerleader in all things. She might literally believe I can do anything. If I am happy, this invisible thread that connects both our hearts lights something up in her, too.
I sat in the auditorium thinking to myself how selfish I had been to expect her to show up just as I would have liked her to in every situation and place we had been through together and apart.
Even as an adult who lives over 600 miles away from my mom, it is hard not to see her as a mother first. Still, I try to step back every once in a while and witness all her dimensions as a complex human being and as a smart and hard-working woman. I realize that the invisible thread extending from my heart to hers transfers energy in both directions. All of her accomplishments and happy moments (with or without me), bring me warmth and joy as well. From this place, I am better able to practice compassion, understanding, and non-judgment. Then, just maybe, I can catch a glimpse of the unconditional love that only a mother knows.
To all the mamas, and especially my own mama, I love and appreciate you more every day. <3